Never Should Have Let You Go
by fuzzyalligator
Summary: On his walk home, Sirius starts thinking about Remus after their breakup two months ago. Why is it so hard to forget him? Songfic.


Title: Never Should Have Let You Go  
><span>Author<span>: fuzzyalligator  
><span>Rating<span>: T for language  
><span>Genre<span>: Romance, Angst  
><span>Song:<span> _Never Should Have Let You Go_- Simple Plan  
><span>Disclaimer<span>: Neither the song nor the characters are mine. I'm just using them for my own amusement.

A/N: Written for the wonderful RosePiggy on deviantART. She asked for it during one of our many comment wars. xD

oO0Oo

_I'm coming home  
>To an empty room<br>My head is spinning  
>On a Sunday afternoon<em>

Sirius walked down the crowded sidewalk miserably with his hands in pockets. It wasn't cold out; he just didn't want to remember why there wasn't a hand in his to hold. Being with James and his family had already been hard enough that Sunday morning.

Although his best friend tried to act like Remus not being there wasn't an issue, every once and a while Sirius would catch Lily giving him a sympathetic look. But the worst had been Harry's constant questions about when Moony was going to get there.

By noon, Sirius couldn't handle the reminder of the breakup and made an excuse to leave. But, before he could go, Lily told him the worst news possible right then. She'd seen his ex-lover with some random woman, and they looked very cozy.

His head started to spin with this information and he quickly left.

_There was a time  
>When I had it all<br>I can still remember  
>But I'm barely hanging on<em>

Now he was walking the familiar way back to his lonely apartment. As he ambled along, he couldn't help but envy the couples he saw that passed him by. That had been him and Remus not so long ago.

They were the ones strolling down without a care in the world. Really, the only thing they had to worry about was whether they could make it to the bedroom or not. They rarely ever fought, not after what happened in sixth year. It had been horrible seeing Remus after The Incident and Sirius had promised himself he'd never let it happen again.

But he'd broken that promise.

_So tell me what to do to make you change your mind  
>I wish that I could find a way to turn back time<br>'Cause life's just not the same since you've been gone.  
>I never should have let you go<em>

Just the look on Remus' face had been enough to break Sirius' heart. He wanted to take the horrible words back the instant they had come out. But before he could Remus had been at the fireplace and green flames had consumed his body.

Sirius had assumed that he'd gone to James and Lily's place. When he discovered he'd been wrong he went searching for the werewolf, wanting to apologize and pretend like the fight had never happened.

Someone bumped into Sirius enough to drag him out of his musings. When he realized where he was, the memories came flooding back. This was the store they always went to even though there was a market closer.

As he looked into the store and saw all the happy faces, he realized that giving up his search had been idiotic. At the time he'd thought that Remus just needed some space. But as the days turned into weeks then into two months, Sirius came to terms that Remus was never going to come back to him.

'_Cause I'm falling to pieces  
>I just wanna let you know<br>That I can't keep pretending  
>I never should have let you go<em>

Tears started to form as Sirius recalled the day he'd gotten that.

It had been the morning after a full moon. Since he hadn't known where Remus was, he couldn't know where they were meeting for his transformations. For a little while Sirius had thought he was suffering alone. But then he learned that James and Peter were helping him the best they could.

For some reason knowing that Remus didn't even want his help during the full moon just cemented the fact that he wanted nothing to do with Sirius. Even during their occasional fights during school Remus had allowed Padfoot to be there.

_You're so far away  
>And I just can't live without you<br>I just can't breathe without you  
>I never should have let you go<em>

Sirius wiped away the few tears that spilled and continued on his way. But, the closer he got to home, the harder it was to move.

Without Remus there, it was unbearable being there. It was so quiet and simply felt empty. Even when he was out of the house, just knowing that Remus was going to come back soon made their flat seem welcoming.

But now…the apartment felt suffocating. Like, if Sirius didn't get out _now_ he'd suffocate. And even when he did leave, he felt like that anywhere.

How could losing someone hurt this much?

_What's on your mind?  
>And tell me what do you see<br>And tell me who you think of  
>When you just can't fall asleep<em>

"Keep on moving!" a man yelled and Sirius realized that he had quit walking once again. He mumbled an apology and started on his slow journey.

As he walked his mind started to wander again. Was Remus acting the way he was? Or was he holding it all in like he'd always done and pretending like he was fine?

Sirius rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands in frustration. He really needed to stop thinking of Remus. The other man obviously wasn't thinking of him.

By sheer willpower, Sirius made it almost all the way back to his flat without thinking of the other man. "As soon as I get in there I'm taking a nap," he mumbled to himself but then his mind went right back to thinking of Remus.

Ever since he left, Sirius had fallen asleep thinking of Remus. Was he doing the same?

_And all the things I took for granted  
>Moments gone forever wasted<br>All the stupid things I did  
>I'd take them back<em>

Instead of simply stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, Sirius took a seat on a bench off to the side. If he was going to keep thinking of Remus he might as well sit to do it. He knew that was all he could do right now.

Nobody paid much attention to the man with his head in his hands. And he didn't mind. Without any of the distractions he was free to remember all the good times. But then his mind started to wander to the future.

Harry's birthday was coming up. Would Remus be willing to be in the same room as him for the small boy? Thinking about Harry just reminded Sirius of what could have happened in their lives if he'd never gotten jealous.

_And now every single day that I spend without you  
>Getting through the night is the hardest thing to do<br>Since you walked away_

Although Sirius' body was still tired his mind wouldn't stop working. He knew that he needed some sleep but was also aware that at this rate he'd never get to. At least during the day he had something's that could distract like. Like all these bloody passerby's!

But at night…there were no distractions.

Lily had suggested trying to think of something else, something other than Remus. James had given him a Sleeping Draught when Lily's back was turned. Of course Sirius had tried the draught first but then he dreamed of the other man.

_I guess you'll never know what it's like to miss you  
>I try to get a grip put my life back into place<br>It's not the same._

Slowly, Sirius got back to his feet and was determined to make it back to his flat without giving another thought to Remus or their broken relationship. Just to make sure he didn't think about the other man, he started to make a list of things he needed to get next time he was at the store.

But every few items brought Remus back.

Why was it so hard to forget about him!

_I'm coming home  
>To an empty room<br>My head is spinning  
>On a Sunday afternoon<em>

The sun was starting to beat down on Sirius when he stopped in front of the door that lead up to his own. Waiting beyond that was nothing. Sirius couldn't understand why he kept coming here.

Harry had offered his floor but Sirius knew that Lily might have an issue with him keeping the little boy up (he wasn't allowed to sleep over anymore). Surely there was someplace else he could stay?

Someplace that didn't hold good and bad memories?

'_Cause I'm falling to pieces  
>I just wanna let you know<br>That I can't keep pretending  
>I never should have let you go<em>

Sirius inhaled deeply to push back the tears, not willing them to spill once again. He took his keys out of his pocket and slowly let himself into the main hall. Laughter greeted him once he was in; someone was having a party on the first floor.

'_Lucky bastards,_' he thought, trying to not think about the joyous occasion that they were having which would just lure him into thoughts like it about himself.

Not willing to go up just yet, Sirius decided to check the mail box – he'd been out all day yesterday and had been too tired last night to look. But when the small metal door swung open there was nothing there.

_You're so far away  
>And I just can't live without you<br>I just can't breathe without you_

With a sigh, Sirius closed the box and finally headed up. As he got higher it became quieter which only let the thoughts of Remus come back. They weren't as depressing this time, just thoughts on what he was doing right then.

Sirius stopped right before his door to think more. If Remus was happy without him then maybe that was okay. And even if he wasn't fine right now he'd be eventually.

Even if Sirius never would be.

The keys were still in his hand so he easily unlocked the door. "I'm home," he called out even though he knew no one was there. As the door shut behind him, he noticed that there was mail on the table by the door. He picked them up, thinking they were from Friday.

"Welcome home, Padfoot."

_I never should have let you go.  
>I'm never gonna let you go.<br>I never should have let you go.  
>I'm never gonna let you go.<em>

The letters fell from Sirius' hand as he looked up the man before him. Remus was standing there awkwardly but gave a small smile. "You never could remember the mail."

"Moony…" Sirius whispered, unsure of what to do. A million thoughts were going through his head.

What was he doing here? Why had he gotten the mail? Why was he smiling if he was still mad?

But all those thoughts vanished when the brunet took a small step toward him. Without thinking, Sirius hurried forward and pulled him into a tight hug. He didn't even get a chance to think about his actions before a pair of strong arms was around his waist and holding him tightly.

"What-" he started to ask when he pulled far enough away to look at him. But Remus cut him off with a kiss. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Sirius returned it with fervor.

Only when the need to breath was too much did they finally break apart. "I'm sorry," Sirius finally managed to say as he rested his forehead against Remus'

The other man smiled fondly. "You were right," he admitted as he tightened his arms around Sirius' waist. "_I'm_ sorry." Sirius just kissed him again as an answer.


End file.
